Truth Or Dare But Mostly Truth
by egadroit
Summary: Sirius nabs veritaserum from an unsuspecting Slughorn. Interrogation ensues.


**Warning:** Some swearing. (I'm talking f-bombs, variations of the f-bomb, and things of that nature) Contains slash. Male/male situations. I mean, that's kind of one of the points of this site, am I right?

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter, I'm not J.K. Rowling, so on and so forth. I own nothing. Nothing. Spare some change for the less fortunate? [*shakes pitiful tin can full with acorns rather than money*]

**If you enjoy this, you get a free imaginary dancing hippopotamus that will sing you reggae songs to sleep.**

Remus Lupin was relaxed.

Remus Lupin had completed a tiresome essay reflecting on the goblin war of 1893 and how the fourteen peace talks following it had proved to fuel the tension between the offending sides of the war. Remus Lupin had to stop a quarrel among several first-year Gryffindors and Slytherins, as part of his prefectly duties, and had gotten jinxed in the process. Remus Lupin had to also transcribe his aforementioned essay for his friends.

Remus Lupin was _finally_ relaxed.

That is, until Sirius Black entered the common room.

"Moony, Moony! Look what I've got!" Sirius bounded into the room, empty save himself and Remus. He settled on top of him in the armchair by the fireplace. He distractingly waggled a small glass vial in front of his face. Remus suppressed a groan.

"Is it a concoction that will end the tragedy that is your inability to stop talking?" He peered out from behind his novel and arched an eyebrow.

The black-haired boy scoffed. "Hush, Moony. You know you love the pearls of wisdom that flow eloquently from my divine mouth."

"…I'm going to ignore that disturbing statement." Remus returned his attention to the book he was holding, pointedly ignoring his friend seated on top of him. Not that it did any good, considering he reread the same sentence six times without absorbing a word.

Sirius plucked the book from his hands and tossed it on the floor.

"That's a _library _book!" Remus whined.

"There are more pressing matters at hand, here! I am bored! This needs to be fixed immediately!"

"Perhaps you should go chase your tail then, Padfoot?" Remus challenged.

"As much as I'd love to, I'm afraid the fleas are forcing me to abstain from such tasks. Relentless little buggers, they are!" At the memory of fleas, Sirius began to vigorously scratch behind his ears.

"Pity."

Sirius frowned. "This is where you're supposed to go, 'Have no fear, my dear Padfoot! For I am an honorable man and shall not leave my poor, deathly bored companion unattended!'"

"This is the part where you're supposed to get off my lap." Remus retorted.

Sirius did not seem to have heard. He clapped his hands in Remus' face. "Entertain me, peasant!"

"My legs are falling asleep."

Sirius pouted adorably. Remus looked away and squirmed underneath his friend in a futile attempt to escape. "As enlightening as this experience has been, I'd like to presume reading before you so rudely interrupted me."

"Oh Moony, you poor, poor man. You find solace in books. Dusty books that smell like death, or … great aunts." Sirius shook his head in disapproval. "That is why I have a proposition!" he grabbed Remus' wrist and pulled out the vial, placing it in his palm. Remus' hand lingered for a second before he slowly pulled away.

He squinted at the small glass vial. The vial was smooth and cold. The liquid within was a murky gray. "What is this?" He looked at Sirius.

"Veritaserum." Sirius replied casually.

"…How in the hell do you have veritaserum?"

"I nicked it from Slughorn."

"…You nicked it."

"Yes."

"…From Slughorn."

"Yes."

"You do realize that this is a serious offense?"

"Yes."

"And that I, as a prefect, should go report this immediately?"

"Yes."

Remus sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "But you know I won't." He mumbled.

"Good man, Remus!" Sirius clapped him hard on the shoulder and grinned.

"Oh, am I going to regret this…" He groaned miserably.

"You won't, you won't. Just promise me that you'll do it with me."

Remus' face twitched. "And do _what, _exactly?"

Sirius grinned maliciously. "Truth or dare."

Remus honestly did not see the point. Sirius already knows about his furry little problem and he wasn't harboring any other large secrets. Other than his hopelessly unfortunate infatuation with Sirius, that is. And that was something he'd rather not admit.

"I don't see the point—", Remus began.

"Oh _please!_" Sirius whined.

"Why don't you go ask Peter or James?" He hoped they hadn't already declined.

"They're both in the hospital wing." Sirius frowned. "James got hit with a nasty hex, courtesy of one Lily Evans. Peter, he's got food poisoning from Nearly Headless Nick's deathday party. I _told_ him not to eat the… well… whatever it was."

Remus briefly mourned the loss of his comrades. Then he cursed them for leaving himself to deal with Sirius.

"_C'mon_, Moony! I promise I'll be good!" Sirius stared at him with his puppy dog eyes.

"Well, I—", Remus attempted. Sirius continued to bore his eyes into him. "Er," he tried again. Sirius began to whimper.

"Oh, sod it." Remus said exhaustedly. "Fine." He threw his hands up in defeat.

Sirius whooped. If it wasn't for those damn eyes, Sirius wouldn't get his way so often; an unfair capability that Remus assumes came with his animagus form.

"But under one condition." Remus warned, holding up a finger.

The animagus grinned. "Yes?"

"Get off my lap."

xxx

The two boys sat across from each other on Sirius' bed in their dorm room.

"Well," Sirius shrugged; veritaserum in hand. "Cheers." He quickly knocked back the vial as if he were taking shots of firewhiskey. He then gave his friend his share of the serum. Remus, however, sipped it gingerly. He grimaced slightly. The taste unfortunately resembled that of shoe varnish.

"Ready, then?" Sirius grinned cheekily.

Remus gulped.

xxx

"Me first!" Sirius jumped up and down while seated.

"Ok, then… Truth or dare?" He'd anticipated truth, considering that Remus was arse at coming up with worthwhile dares.

"Truth." _As predicted._

"Um." Remus bit at a hangnail on his thumb. "Farthest you've gone?" He was slightly embarrassed by his own unoriginal question.

"Third base." Sirius didn't even bat an eye. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare." Remus quickly regretted this decision at the look of the mischievous grin that spread on his face.

_Oh shit, _He thought.

xxx

Sirius cackled upon entering their dorm room. "I will look back upon this day during my darkest of times and graciously piss myself laughing."

Remus groaned, putting his face in his hands. "I don't ever think I'll be able to look Dumbledore in the face _again._"

Sirius slapped his back. "Now, now, it wasn't that bad. He seemed to take it in good grace." He chuckled at the memory.

"I should pack my things; he's probably expelling me for that." lamented Remus.

"Well _I_ thought it was brilliant. So did our audience. I never knew we had that many sniggering second-years."

"You think if I moved to Argentina that no one would find me?" Remus continued.

"No! Stay to see his answer! It's not every day that our dear old Headmaster is serenaded and proposed to."

"You ruined Shakespeare and made me recite it."

"In all honesty, I think 'But soft! What voluptuous body through yonder classroom breaks! It is ample, and Dumbledore is most comely!' really captured his heart. How clever of me to come up with such words."

"I hate you." Remus moaned. "I hope your toes are eaten by a blast-ended skrewt."

"You know you're secretly grateful I helped you do something you hadn't the guts to do." Flopping on the bed, Sirius replied with a pleased look on his face. "Let's continue this game, shall we?"

Remus sank slowly onto the bed across from Sirius, looking solemn. He sighed heavily. "Your turn." He mumbled.

"Truth."

Remus thoughtfully looked at Sirius. He wished he could look that carefree and not so nonplussed. "Biggest sexual fantasy?"

Sirius momentarily scratched his chin in thought. "Being shagged senseless on a table in the library."

The brown-haired teen raised his eyebrows.

"Truth as well, I presume?" Sirius smirked. Remus nodded. "Alright, then." His smirk grew into a devilish grin. "Wanker length?"

Remus choked. "_WHAT?_"

"What is the length of your—"

"_No,_" he spluttered, "I-I mean… _why?_"

Shrugging, Sirius replied casually, "Curious."

Face red, Remus grit his teeth. _He's milking this out for all its worth._ Looking down at his hands, he croaked "…7 inches."

He hoped the question of _how_ he'd come to know of this measurement would not arise.

Since his gaze was cast downwards, he missed the impressed look upon his friend's face.

"My turn," Sirius announced cheerfully. "Truth, please."

Remus cleared his throat. "Er," he continued staring down. "Same question."

Amused, Sirius answered "6 inches."

The thought of how _he'd_ come across this number made Remus blush even harder.

Still looking calm, Sirius asked "Truth?" and looked toward Remus for confirmation. He nodded, not taking his eyes off a patch on the blanket.

"Do the drapes match the carpet?"

Remus made an unnatural sound, and looked up in exasperation. "Yes! Bloody _hell_, what kind of question is _that?_"

"A legitimate one?" Sirius suggested.

Remus shook his head incredulously, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Your turn."

"Truth."

He looked up at Sirius, his face finally returning somewhat to its original hue. In an attempt to make _him_ feel awkward for a change, he asked, "Would you have sex with a bloke?"

For a few moments, Sirius was quiet. Remus looked triumphant until he answered "yes".

Remus' eyes widened. He had not expected that answer. _Maybe this increases my chances, _he thought to himself. _Not that I had much to begin with._

Sirius looked calmly at him. "Truth?" Remus nodded slowly. _Damn his perpetual composure. I must look like a beet in comparison._

"Who do you fancy?"

His heart stopped. _Oh bloody buggerfuck— _"You." He blurted, and immediately clapped a hand over his mouth.

Sirius looked slightly surprised.

Remus, on the other hand, suddenly became immensely interested in his cuticles. It grew quiet and his face returned to a deep crimson.

_You stupid wanker! Why did you agree to this, why did you give in to his damned puppy dog eyes and why are they so bloody irresistible—_

"I lied."

Remus perked up. "What?"

Sirius absently scratched his chin. "That wasn't veritaserum you drank."

"_WHAT?_" He squawked.

"Yeah, that was just vinegar, salt, soap, peppermint, and a dash of lemon juice."

Remus' face blanched. "That's disgusting."

Sirius nodded. "I nearly threw up trying to keep it down." He grimaced.

"Of course, you couldn't make it something pleasant. Like tea." Remus muttered.

"Now Moony, it wouldn't be very fun if I just gave you a cup of tea now, would it?"

"Maybe something tolerable. Water or juice or maybe even soda pop…"

"I would've used firewhiskey, but I drank all that I had left."

"_Hell,_ cough syrup or mouthwash would've been better than _that._"

"I was considering using the grease from old Snivelly's hair, but I thought that would somehow be cruel."

"…You're a right foul git, you know that?"

Sirius laughed, and then it became eerily quiet again. The playful banter from just moments ago was as good as forgotten.

_You bleeding idiot. This didn't happen because of veritaserum, this happened because you're a complete tosser. A blubbering idiot, a total dimwit, a –_

"This must be what they call the 'placid effect'." Sirius stated, interrupting Remus' thoughts.

"…..It's called the 'placebo effect'." He amended.

"Oh, well…" Sirius leaned towards him. "What would you call this, then?"

Remus felt his chin being titled upwards. When he looked up, he saw gray eyes mere inches away. Sirius leaned in further, closing the distance entirely. His chapped lips melded with Remus' smooth ones, which opened with a gasp. Sirius took this as an opportunity to slip in his tongue. It gently probed Remus' hot, wet mouth. Not feeling any resistance, he wound his fingers in soft brown hair and kissed him deeper and more urgently. He nibbled gently on Remus' bottom lip before pulling away.

"…A sign that we need to send you to St. Mungo's immediately?" Remus asked a bit breathlessly.

Sirius laughed. "No, you prat. It's called 'Sirius being utterly charming and spontaneous and causing his dearest Moony to swoon and fall into his muscular, well-sculpted arms.'"

Remus arched an eyebrow. "You expected me to swoon? Well, you'll have to do better that _that_."

"Is that a challenge, Mister Moony?" Sirius smirked.

Remus gave him a sly smile. "Perhaps."

Leaning in, Sirius replied "Consider it accepted."

That night, Remus did _much_ more than swoon.


End file.
